Terrible twos

16 Apr

tyger junior will be two next month. Already he’s entered that very independent stage where he rebels against the constant caution of his parents. Occasionally, and this is very rare, while throwing a strop he’ll smack me on the arm or knee.

I’m always rather taken back by being struck by my child. Do I raise my voice, hit him back (lightly of course), ignore it, or do I reason with him? Obviously ignoring the behaviour is not an option, as that will give the little guy the impression that hitting is acceptable.

I usually raise my voice to convey my displeasure, but this is uncouth and I think he may be becoming desensitised to it. I find myself speaking louder and louder for the same result. I’ll be yelling, soon enough, and then I’ll not physically be able to shout any louder and we’ll have a stalemate.

I suppose the correct thing to do would be to reason with the child, but at 23-months, tyger jnr. is not exactly the most equitable conversationalist. The world seems to have been designed for him to play with it.

He can’t accept that we don’t want the vacuum cleaner in the lounge 24/7. He loves playing with the Hoover and the mop & bucket we store under the stairs, but I don’t particularly want these items plonked in front if the TV all day. Whenever I attempt to tidy one away our boy endeavours to retrieve it. He wasn’t playing with it at the time, but he’s pretty damn sure now I have taken it, he’s desperate to clean the floor.

So when I remove the Hoover (or whatever), if he’s particularly upset, I may get a thump on the kneecap from this unhappy chappie, and I’ll be propelled into frustration as I prevaricate as to how to respond.

What am I to do, dear reader?

Advertisements

22 Responses to “Terrible twos”

  1. blowcheeksblow@yahoo.co.uk November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am #

    “What am I to do, dear reader?”Bring back Borstals.

  2. blowcheeksblow@yahoo.co.uk November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am #

    “What am I to do, dear reader?”Bring back Borstals.

  3. davehill7@blueyonder.co.uk April 16, 2007 at 6:46 pm #

    Hide the mop and hoover somewhere else until such time as you have the time and are in the mood to indulge his enjoyment of them. Ignore his slaps and any other bad behaviour as best you can (place him gently but firmly on the floor and even leave the room if neccesary) but when he does something good and nice hosannah him with praise him till you look and sound like a complete pillock – with luck it will be worth the indignity. Fingers crossed….

  4. davehill7@blueyonder.co.uk April 16, 2007 at 6:46 pm #

    Hide the mop and hoover somewhere else until such time as you have the time and are in the mood to indulge his enjoyment of them. Ignore his slaps and any other bad behaviour as best you can (place him gently but firmly on the floor and even leave the room if neccesary) but when he does something good and nice hosannah him with praise him till you look and sound like a complete pillock – with luck it will be worth the indignity. Fingers crossed….

  5. aaronsheath@gmail.com April 16, 2007 at 8:23 pm #

    Why thank you Mr. Hill. This child-rearing thing is more difficult than I thought. So it seems turning a blind-eye to it may actually work (to a certain extent, obviously).Looking like a complete pillock has never been a problem.

  6. aaronsheath@gmail.com April 16, 2007 at 8:23 pm #

    Why thank you Mr. Hill. This child-rearing thing is more difficult than I thought. So it seems turning a blind-eye to it may actually work (to a certain extent, obviously).Looking like a complete pillock has never been a problem.

  7. aaronsheath@gmail.com April 17, 2007 at 6:04 am #

    Er, thanks.I’ll see what I can do. Just how much is 30m of razor wire?

  8. aaronsheath@gmail.com April 17, 2007 at 6:04 am #

    Er, thanks.I’ll see what I can do. Just how much is 30m of razor wire?

  9. anticant@hotmail.co.uk April 17, 2007 at 6:29 am #

    Ignore him when possible, otherwise be pained and reproachful. This is attention-seeking, boundary-pushing behaviour. When you show anger or irritation, you only encourage him – he’s “won”. Temporary withdrawal of love, more in sorrow than in anger, should have a beneficial effect.But I’m not a child therapist! Get Ms Melancholy on the case.

  10. anticant@hotmail.co.uk April 17, 2007 at 6:29 am #

    Ignore him when possible, otherwise be pained and reproachful. This is attention-seeking, boundary-pushing behaviour. When you show anger or irritation, you only encourage him – he’s “won”. Temporary withdrawal of love, more in sorrow than in anger, should have a beneficial effect.But I’m not a child therapist! Get Ms Melancholy on the case.

  11. bindinestor@hotmail.com April 17, 2007 at 12:26 pm #

    Hi Tyger, Davo up there has the right attitude. I agree with his advice. As well as this, make sure Tyger junior has the role play toys he needs at this time. Could you not buy him or make him a small, toy vacuum cleaner that he can use all the time: one that looks like noo noo? or even one that only slightly resembles a vacuum cleaner made of cardboard boxes! (kids don’t need exact copies, they have such good imaginations).Alternatively if he needs lots to do, visit your toy library and borrow some toys relevant for his age. Toy libraries are great because you can change the toys every week or two, and the people running them can usually give you some advice on age appropriate choices.

  12. bindinestor@hotmail.com April 17, 2007 at 12:26 pm #

    Hi Tyger, Davo up there has the right attitude. I agree with his advice. As well as this, make sure Tyger junior has the role play toys he needs at this time. Could you not buy him or make him a small, toy vacuum cleaner that he can use all the time: one that looks like noo noo? or even one that only slightly resembles a vacuum cleaner made of cardboard boxes! (kids don’t need exact copies, they have such good imaginations).Alternatively if he needs lots to do, visit your toy library and borrow some toys relevant for his age. Toy libraries are great because you can change the toys every week or two, and the people running them can usually give you some advice on age appropriate choices.

  13. jacoblurch@gmail.com April 17, 2007 at 5:01 pm #

    Loves playing with the hoover and mop and bucket?? could you not channel that into something productive.. does minimum wage apply to two year olds? I wonder why the not-wife and I don’t have kids….

  14. jacoblurch@gmail.com April 17, 2007 at 5:01 pm #

    Loves playing with the hoover and mop and bucket?? could you not channel that into something productive.. does minimum wage apply to two year olds? I wonder why the not-wife and I don’t have kids….

  15. aaronsheath@gmail.com April 17, 2007 at 6:20 pm #

    Some good advice people. Not sure we have toy libraries in Newark-on-Trent, though. We have a toy hoover, but he’s not keen. I think he knows when he’s being played.I think I’ll go for the walk away, not interested route. Once he realises I’m not playing those games, hopefully he’ll wise up. Hopefully.Thanks all.

  16. aaronsheath@gmail.com April 17, 2007 at 6:20 pm #

    Some good advice people. Not sure we have toy libraries in Newark-on-Trent, though. We have a toy hoover, but he’s not keen. I think he knows when he’s being played.I think I’ll go for the walk away, not interested route. Once he realises I’m not playing those games, hopefully he’ll wise up. Hopefully.Thanks all.

  17. imaginedcommunity@googlemail.com April 17, 2007 at 6:51 pm #

    Tyger, when will you know that he’s ready for talking over issues? Sure, try walking away if it does get too much for you, but how about removing yourself from immediate striking range, and explaining why you are doing it, and what you are unhappy with? In that way, you will be modelling discussion as a way of solving conflict, and Tyger jr will be absorbing some of your reasons. He will certainly recognise your unhappiness. If you wait until you know for sure he can understand, it may be too late to try talking things through.Have you ever come across Alfie Kohn? He is very persuasive on the dangers of praise. No, really – children (and older people, too) tend to perceive it as judgemental, and see it as part of the same – demotivating – pattern as criticism. So, it follows then to be very specific about praise, saying something like “You climbed the stairs by yourself”, rather than a kneejerk “Good climbing!”. and don’t praise things your child can do routinely, or they might think you think they are somehow incapable. I’d recommend his work, particularly <a href="http://unconditionalparenting.com/UP/“ rel=”nofollow”>Unconditional Parenting, to anyone.And if that works, will you please come and babysit my three-year-old?

  18. imaginedcommunity@googlemail.com April 17, 2007 at 6:51 pm #

    Tyger, when will you know that he’s ready for talking over issues? Sure, try walking away if it does get too much for you, but how about removing yourself from immediate striking range, and explaining why you are doing it, and what you are unhappy with? In that way, you will be modelling discussion as a way of solving conflict, and Tyger jr will be absorbing some of your reasons. He will certainly recognise your unhappiness. If you wait until you know for sure he can understand, it may be too late to try talking things through.Have you ever come across Alfie Kohn? He is very persuasive on the dangers of praise. No, really – children (and older people, too) tend to perceive it as judgemental, and see it as part of the same – demotivating – pattern as criticism. So, it follows then to be very specific about praise, saying something like “You climbed the stairs by yourself”, rather than a kneejerk “Good climbing!”. and don’t praise things your child can do routinely, or they might think you think they are somehow incapable. I’d recommend his work, particularly <a href="http://unconditionalparenting.com/UP/“ rel=”nofollow”>Unconditional Parenting, to anyone.And if that works, will you please come and babysit my three-year-old?

  19. bindinestor@hotmail.com April 17, 2007 at 11:33 pm #

    Tow year olds are ready for interaction, and they change constantly so within the interaction new issues will arise. But hopefully by the time he’s ready to discuss as suggested above, he will have lost the hitting habit – its a stage and he will grow out of it if it doesn’t work for him. When my oldest was a little older than 2, we used ‘quiet time’, as suggested by Steve Biddulp in ‘how to raise happy children’. But as we had more and more kids we realized that they were all different and what worked for one doesn’t work for the other. No I am very skeptical about parenting books because they speak to parents as though they are unskilled. Everyone is different and you can never know how your actions are being interpreted by your kids, so I say think things through for yourself, pick and choose advice, but the buck stops with you and it has to feel right. Parental instincts are underrated.

  20. bindinestor@hotmail.com April 17, 2007 at 11:33 pm #

    Tow year olds are ready for interaction, and they change constantly so within the interaction new issues will arise. But hopefully by the time he’s ready to discuss as suggested above, he will have lost the hitting habit – its a stage and he will grow out of it if it doesn’t work for him. When my oldest was a little older than 2, we used ‘quiet time’, as suggested by Steve Biddulp in ‘how to raise happy children’. But as we had more and more kids we realized that they were all different and what worked for one doesn’t work for the other. No I am very skeptical about parenting books because they speak to parents as though they are unskilled. Everyone is different and you can never know how your actions are being interpreted by your kids, so I say think things through for yourself, pick and choose advice, but the buck stops with you and it has to feel right. Parental instincts are underrated.

  21. imaginedcommunity@googlemail.com April 18, 2007 at 3:26 pm #

    Bindi, <a href="http://imaginedcommunity.blogspot.com/2007/02/supernanny-vs-totoro.html#links“ rel=”nofollow”>I entirely agree with you on the one-size-fits-all-approach of parenting “gurus”, and the attendant dangers of devaluing parental instincts. I only raised Kohn because his take is very different to others I had encountered: “My advice is to make a point of apologizing to your child about something at least twice a month. Why twice a month? I don’t know. It sounds about right to me. (Almost all the specific advice in parenting books is similarly arbitrary. At least I admit it.)” How many other “experts” write in similar terms, never mind suggest that you apologise to your child? In fact, he’s not primarily a writer on child-husbandry; he has written some very persuasive stuff – essentially meta-studies of sociological research – on other areas, especially on competition and rewards.

  22. imaginedcommunity@googlemail.com April 18, 2007 at 3:26 pm #

    Bindi, <a href="http://imaginedcommunity.blogspot.com/2007/02/supernanny-vs-totoro.html#links“ rel=”nofollow”>I entirely agree with you on the one-size-fits-all-approach of parenting “gurus”, and the attendant dangers of devaluing parental instincts. I only raised Kohn because his take is very different to others I had encountered: “My advice is to make a point of apologizing to your child about something at least twice a month. Why twice a month? I don’t know. It sounds about right to me. (Almost all the specific advice in parenting books is similarly arbitrary. At least I admit it.)” How many other “experts” write in similar terms, never mind suggest that you apologise to your child? In fact, he’s not primarily a writer on child-husbandry; he has written some very persuasive stuff – essentially meta-studies of sociological research – on other areas, especially on competition and rewards.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s